Seven Ways to Be Annoying on the Ski Hill
Are you someone who is rarely satisfied going to a ski hill and just enjoying the day? Do you find things more pleasurable when you know you are taking away from someone else’s enjoyable experience? If your answer is “yes” then these behaviors are for you! The following steps will allow you to be the most annoying person on the mountain...Take notes!
Find the nicest runs, ideally coming out of some beautiful chutes, and instead of going down the slope and enjoying the fresh snow, go across. Undercut as many lines as possible to ensure the next people down have no chance of a fresh, flowing line. The longer and deeper the track you leave, the better. Traverse as far as your burning legs will allow, and when you can’t handle it anymore squeeze a couple turns in just before you reach the bottom, or better yet, side slip the last ten feet.
6) Be Erratic
Get a nice rhythm going. Really focus on making the same size and shape turns in a clear path down one side of the run. Once you’ve got a good, obvious flow going, aggressively cut into the middle of the run and slam on the breaks without looking over your shoulder. People love being cut off and blindsided on the slopes as much as they do when driving. And remember, there is no such thing as a blind spot. If you do nearly collide with someone it’s obviously their fault so be sure to yell at them and tell all your friends how some “irresponsible a-hole came out of nowhere!”
5) Sit Down Wherever You Like
You’ve been working hard. Relax. Take a load off. Just grab a seat wherever, middle of the run, on the backside of a blind roll, in the unload area of the lift, at an intersection of converging runs. The more in the way you can get, the more rested you will feel when you finally decide to move.
4) Be Obnoxious on the Gondola
There is no better time to make an impression on others than when you’re crammed into a small enclosed space, shoulder to shoulder with complete strangers. It’s really great to recount every “epic” event you vaguely remember from the night before, five times louder than necessary, while reeking of booze. If you failed to party the night before, then try being excessively vocal about any controversial issue (the more local the issue, the better) or start bragging about how rad you’ve been getting on the gnarly runs that are so secret no one will ever be able to find them. Don’t worry if they were only green runs, people don’t need to know that. And if all else fails, just let a stinky one rip and refuse to crack a window.
3) Lose All Spacial Awareness
This one’s a great go-to because you can practice it at so many points throughout the day. From walking around the base, nearly smashing people in the head with the skis you haphazardly flung over your shoulder, to zoning out in the middle of the packed day lodge or laboriously teetering your way down the stairs in ski boots so no one can get by you. You must be 100% focused on yourself to ensure you have zero regard for others. Refer to items five and six for more helpful examples.
Complain about anything and everything and make sure others hear you. The weather is a great place to start. It doesn’t matter how nice it is outside; you can find something that could be better. If it’s not too cold, it’s definitely too mild, and if it’s not flat light then the sun is probably too bright. Take it to the next level by complaining about how there is too much snow on the best powder day of the year. Use conviction and present your opinions as facts because that’s what they are. There is no such thing as a crappy attitude, only crappy conditions or malfunctioning gear or terrible service.
1) Tell the Resort Staff How to Do Their Jobs
Everyone who works at a ski resort is uneducated and incompetent. They have had little to no training and have likely never done their job prior to you arriving on the resort, and therefore it is your responsibility to tell them how to do it, or at least tell them they’re doing it wrong. Use condescending and belittling tones to get your point across, even when they are going out of their way to help you. Don’t limit yourself to words; snarky scoffs, eye rolling and completely disregarding what they have just told you can also be very effective.
Congratulations! You have now contributed to wrecking someone else’s day. Or perhaps you could take this as a warning and avoid these behaviors at all costs. No one wants to be brought down and you don’t want to be the jerk everyone is talking about at the end of the day.
By Sensi Graves Ambassador Jessie Kilgour